In My Remains
by CrimsonFlowers
Summary: Out of anguish and desperation, Natsu will do anything to bring his love back to life.


_**Here is a new story I came up with, In My Remains. **_

**_It revolves around Natsu, basically, a bit of a deconstruction of his character. It's not perfect, but I hope you enjoy the story :)_**

**EDIT: _I'm not continuing this story. I'm sorry if I gave you guys the wrong idea, and it was my mistake when I didn't label it as complete. I know there are some holes in the story and some things unanswered or unaddressed, but for now, this is a one-shot. There may be a second chapter, but I have my hands full with two-three other ongoing stories. So I'm really sorry for the misunderstanding D: _**

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A moment of silence.

He collapses on his knees beside her, his legs feeling burdened with the weight of boulders.

Quickly, he performs the common act of auscultation by pushing his ear against her chest where her heart resides internally. Seconds pass, but the natural beating of a human's heart does not reach his keen hearing no matter how hard he listens.

He holds his own breath and shuts his eyes, drowning out the ashen world surrounding them. He fixates on her pulse in hopes of hearing her breathe. With difficulty he moves his scarred hand up along her arm until he laces his fingers with her own. Just like the rest of her body, her hand is limp and pale. It shows no signs of resisting, or life.

A sick feeling of panic breaks out inside of the man after one second passes. Another. Nothing.

Even with an ear pressed against her, there is no sound, not even a muffled one.

"Hey, Luce." He murmurs scratchily, his throat severely damaged from the lack of moisture in the air. "You're not dead, right? You're just pretending." He sluggishly lifts his body off of her, never removing his hand from hers, and sits back with his feet tucked underneath him. He stares at her bloody ankles and horrible welts that grow along her thighs and lower abdomen.

Scars from blades made deep cuts into her skin, but they only trickle a little bit of the crimson liquid. Her face, as serene and undisturbed as it is, is almost painful to look upon. It is ghastly whitish, with all color drained from it. Even so, her lips are slightly curved upwards. As if she is asleep and having a nostalgic dream.

"She's gone, Natsu Dragneel."

Natsu ascends his gaze only to lock it on the one wizard responsible for the destruction of his home and family. Seeing him, he should be driven by rage and bloodlust. He should be standing up, facing off with the man who killed her. He should be compulsive, unstoppable, determined to destroy this black mage. He should be unleashing all the fire he can hold to the point of combusting himself.

But he cannot. Somewhere, he knows that he is responsible for what has been done to his dearest friend.

"She didn't deserve it." His vision trembles, and the sight of Lucy is blurred by tears that fill up his eyes. "She just wanted to be happy." He slams his opposite palm into the earth demolished to debris and starts to sob.

"I-If it weren't for me-" He clasps his hand into a fist and pounds it into the ground, numbly watching it be harmed by the shards of glass and rocks. He stops when it bleeds all over - when it is coated in his insides. "It should've been me." He chokes, overtaken by despair. "She and I never should have met."

Zeref watches as Natsu sobs, with tears streaming down his face and neck. He swipes at his runny nose, knowing fully well that he should not be crying in front of his one true enemy.

"Go to hell." Natsu spits out, shooting the dark mage the most detrimental look he can muster.

Zeref's expression is unchanged.

Natsu lets go of Lucy's hand-misses her touch-as he stands up with difficulty. He sways a bit, but keeps his feet firmly planted on the surface. "Did you hear me? Get the hell out of here." He growls, although he is making a mockery of himself. There is a good reason why he didn't face off against Zeref the moment he showed up. The fire dragon slayer's energy is nearly gone, and the injuries he received are still inflicting painful damage on his body. He can hardly move without suffering from the throbbing sensation of being stabbed.

The best he can do is summon weak, sputtering, match-like flames on the tips of his fingers. He trudges forward, limping on one leg.

"There is a way to save her."

The words' meaning dawn on Natsu instantly. But a cocky, idiotic side of him mentally kicks him and scoffs at this declaration. Save Lucy? How? As powerful as magic is in their realm, it is beyond anyone's ability to revive someone in an unscathed state. It is certainly possible to bring one back to life in a half-dead state with dark magic, but only a true fool would want that. As desperately as he wishes to see Lucy open her chocolate eyes again, he will not resort to sinful ways to bring her back to Earthland. He would only be violating Lucy's will, and her own being of course.

"I'm not falling for your tricks, Zeref." Natsu wipes away a stray tear on his cheek and smiles faintly. "You can't save someone or heal them, much less bring them back to life."

"Not directly. You are right about that." Zeref admits wryly, "But there is still a way."

Natsu licks his chapped lips and perceives a metallic taste. He can't stand to look at Zeref's horrendous, bland face anymore so he focuses back on Lucy.

Lucy. If only she was here, comforting him with her presence.

She thought she was weak, a mere damsel in distress who constantly needed saving. A simple magician capable of wielding spirits to quench her every will and need. She thought it was a weak magic too, from her expression. When she saw caster magic taking place before her very eyes, they reflected jealousy and uselessness that she bottled up inside of her.

Even if she fell down and couldn't get up on her own at times, Natsu never once thought of her as a weakling and he doesn't now. A girl who radiated with determination to get stronger, to become a better writer. . . who can call her a coward? She was sane in the head, and knew what she was doing, and kept in mind of her ideals. She cared about her friends.

If anyone is a coward, it is Natsu himself. A blunt man who can't so much as think in dangerous situations. A man who is childish and cheeky, like a neighborhood brat that stirred trouble. A dragon slayer that runs head-first into a battle without knowing what he is getting into. He is too afraid to even stop for a moment and process information. His instincts get the better of him all of the time. He is not strong or courageous. The truth is undeniable. H_e _is the weak one.

Does he really care about his nakama at all? Is fighting for Fairytail all an act, to portray a false image of himself? Is he just masochist who embraces agony with open arms? The thoughts are almost unbearable to think about.

The sky is dusted with inevitable smog from the wreckage of the village, a blinding smoke that stings his nose and eyes. Maybe it is all an act. Then what is he trying to prove? That he can burn buildings? Defeat his enemies? Reach inside and go berserk?

Pathetic. Who is he to monologue on and on about the importance of companionship and living when he cannot even comprehend those two concepts himself?

He blinks the dust out of his eyes as much as he can and forces the tears to keep from spilling over.

_It doesn't matter anymore. _He thinks as a way of comforting himself. What really matters is Lucy. Maybe most of his ambitious personality was/is a facade, but then he met Lucy and something changed. She was a brilliant stellar spirit wizard who came out of nowhere into Natsu's life. She was a dreamer-type, a type of girl whose imagination soared as high as the sky.

All in all, Lucy was a girl worth fighting for. He saw kindness in her that was ultimately genuine, and also rare. Her inexplicable (to him) morality, her stunning beauty, every aspect of her was equivalent in value to his own life. Plus, she was much more than a comrade. He considered her his other half; a soulmate he couldn't live without.

He thought. . for the first time. . he could keep someone. And he was truly happy whenever he succeeded to protect his beloved then that one day came. It only took one day to twist and turn their close relationship and snap it in two.

He'd been too forward. Only Mavis was aware what his goal was, because he doesn't get it himself. He just acted too rashly.

As a result, he incidentally pushed Lucy far away from him. Between them formed a space almost impenetrable, a gap too wide to break once made. Lucy locked herself away and avoided Natsu as much as possible, leading him to be driven mad by anguish. For the first time, Natsu and Lucy were nowhere near close. They weren't lovers or comrades or even acquaintances. Lucy almost addressed Natsu as a pedestrian she saw off the street. A complete stranger.

Natsu tried. He tried to break the barrier with all kinds of methods from the top of his head. He went on quests with her, talked to her, went to her favorite places with her. He even apologized to her and begged her to forgive him. Alas, Lucy would simply paste on a blank face and be void of all emotion whenever he said a word to her.

At the end of the day, when they'd return to Fairy Tail, Lucy would smile as brightly as ever to greet her guild mates and Natsu's heart would crack right to the core.

The worst part was, she never forgave him.

Acnologia unleashed its wrath upon Fiore, executing thousands of villagers and mages with a power that no one can withstand. The corrupt dragon tore apart the capital of Fiore, Magnolia, Hargeon, every city and wiped it off the face of Earthland. Only rubble and charred, broken buildings remained. Natsu's own guild headquarters are not even recognizable any more.

How silly of him to recall this event that only happened 7 hours ago.

Natsu shakes himself out of the memory. He covers the side of his face wearily. "How exactly do you plan to bring her back to life?" He asks hollowly.

Zeref moves his lips.

_Ultear. Turning back the clock. Reversing what has happened. _

He takes in what he is saying and summarizes it all into two words.

"Time travel."

But Zeref utters other words. His mouth opens and closes, speaking a foreign language Natsu can't understand.

No, it's not foreign, but it's all jumbled up, it makes no sense. .

_One person must go? Sacrifice? _

Zeref exhales slowly.

Natsu clutches his stomach and staggers back, wincing.

_Save her, Natsu Dragneel. _

"I'll let you do it, Zeref." Natsu coughs. "But-"

"It's obvious you will resist." Zeref voices Natsu's own thoughts. "The only way to erase your existence is to travel all the way back to the day of your birth. When you were weakest." He pauses. "But you are welcome to walk away from it all. To start anew here and now."

"Only a sociopath could move on." Natsu wrings his own throat, sick of the fluids lodging inside of it and clogging his ability to breathe. "She doesn't - No one deserves this." If it means saving Fairytail and Lucy, he'll do it.

"Very well." The dark mage dissipates into black energy.

Natsu closes his eyes, letting himself cry and wash away every last tear. He sinks to his knees and imagines her, her smile.

_I'm sorry, Lucy._

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Lucy flashes her eyes open, gasping.

"Bleh!" She rolls off of her bed frantically and trips on the carpeting but gets up again. She rushes over to the bathroom and grabs her toothbrush. Quickly and messily, she squirts a dollop of toothpaste on the brush and cleans her teeth like a maniac. She scrubs her two sets of teeth with so much force that they begin to hurt.

She's finished in a few minutes and she spits out everything and washes her mouth.

She spins on one foot out of the bathroom in a daze, realizing every thing she has just done was purely out of intuition.

Ugh, morning breath.

She scratches the side of her head and yawns melodramatically, stretching her arms and legs. "I'm so sore." She mumbles sleepily.

She rubs her back as she glances at the window. Weather forecast: sunny all day with no clouds in the sky.

Since she got dental hygiene out of the way, she heads over to her dresser and picks out her clothes for the day. She slips on a white, low-cut blouse and pairs it with a soft pink cardigan to go over it. The rest is easy; she wiggles into a light blue skirt that brushes along her thighs. She clicks her tan belt into place around her waist.

She stands in front of her mirror and ties some of her hair up with a white, salmon-laced satin bow into her signature side ponytail. She pulls her hair back over her shoulders and beams at her reflection. She shoulders the bag that was laying on her desk.

She looks at the window again. A frown tugs at her lip. For some odd reason, she's inclined to look out of it. . . . but why? Her apartment was never raided or anything, so where is all this anticipation coming from?

She gives it one long look before moving on. She snatches up her wallet of keys and inserts it into her belt. She puts on her boots and heads out the door, downstairs, and out into the world.

The breeze picks up and causes her skirt to flutter and tickle her legs. She smooths a strand of hair behind her ear and strides in the direction of the HQ.

When she arrives, she is met with sounds of boisterous yells and fighting. She chuckles, seeing her guild hasn't changed in the least overnight.

Gray and Erza wave her over to a table at the center of the room. They're chatting and drinking alcohol with relaxed looks on their faces.

Lucy's own grin wavers.

_Gray, you bastard! _

She tilts her head, blinking.

_I'll beat you for sure, Erza. _

She maneuvers herself around the commotion occurring and approaches the table and takes the seat next to Gray.

"Guys?" She asks, interjecting their conversation.

They both turn to her, curiosity tinged in their features.

"Do you ever feel that three people. . . isn't enough for a team?"

Erza strokes her chin, showing signs that she will answer first. "I. . don't see why not."

Lucy faces Gray and he shrugs. "I agree. I think three is a pretty decent number."

The celestial spirit mage studies both of their expression. They're each trying to decipher the reasoning behind Lucy's question.

"I guess you're right." She says with a laugh. "I was just thinking."

The ice-make wizard and the Titania return to making an idle exchange.

Her smile fades. Even after this, she cannot help but feel as if there is something missing. It's on the tip of her tongue. . . but not quite there.

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_**Reviews are appreciated! ^^**_


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